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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30111147">I Remember When I Realized I Wasn't There</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrapmetal/pseuds/scrapmetal'>scrapmetal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Death, Gen, Kamino business is more fucked up than usual</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:28:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,321</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30111147</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrapmetal/pseuds/scrapmetal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jango knew, from the moment it became clear how involved the Kaminoans would be in his son’s life, his existence, that these sorts of things had always been possible. He was working with near literal demagolkase. Knowing that didn't make anything easier, really, but it did mean it wasn't a surprise.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Boba Fett &amp; Jango Fett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>109</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Remember When I Realized I Wasn't There</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29987481">Boba Fetts</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittiarta/pseuds/Kittiarta">Kittiarta</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic is based on an AU concept I was first introduced to with the fic "Boba Fetts" by Kittiarta. Couldn't stop thinking about it and really wanted to write something clone related from Jango's pov, so here's this. I would say enjoy but I'm not sure if this fic really is something to exactly enjoy. </p>
<p>Title is a slightly edited line from the song Amnesia Was Her Name by Lemon Demon.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jango swallowed thickly as he slowly scrolled through Boba’s classified file. The file that had been classified from </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He knew, from the moment it became clear how involved the Kaminoans would be in his son’s life, his existence, that these sorts of things had always been possible. He was working with near literal demagolkase. Knowing that didn't make anything easier, really, but it did mean it wasn't a surprise.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fenn Rau had given him the file, which was unexpected. Fenn didn’t seem to be the type to go snooping for answers. Jango had no idea how he found it, but he didn't ask. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I've heard you mention your ad’s strange behavior recently,” Fenn had stated quietly as he discretely handed Jango the datapad while passing him in a hall. “I'm sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Boba is proof that you still have your mandokar,” Fenn had also said, once. Jango had responded saying that if he were actually mandokarla he would have more than one son. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was strange how things worked out sometimes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The subject, FC-01, swiftly named Boba Fett, was created in a batch with four other clones, as regulations dictate. They contain the same genetic makeup and the same lack of modifications, again, as regulations dictate. The client, Jango Fett, has expressed distaste over the whole batch being created, but his request, in this case, has been overturned, and FC’s 2-5 have been moved to a classified status. They exist as emergency backups for FC-01, and because of Fett's insistence on keeping any flawed products, the backups must only be used in cases of extreme emergency. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The FCs, Fett Clones, will be trained with the same modules as the CTs, Clone Troopers, slowed to compensate for their ageing. Due to their classified status, they are to be isolated from the rest of the clones and Fett's chosen trainers and regulated by droids and high ranking scientists. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango glanced at his son after he finished reading the first entry of the file. Fenn Rau hadn't heard what strange behavior Boba was exhibiting, Jango hadn't wanted to elaborate to anyone. It was heartbreaking to see the kid so terrified, nearly to tears. It had scared Jango, he very suddenly didn’t know how to comfort his own child. To admit that to anyone else would’ve been nearly impossible, and as he read, he was glad he didn’t. The Kaminoans would’ve most definitely heard his whispers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The subject, Boba Fett, four years old, has fallen into a coma after a severe accident with the live battle simulation tools meant for much older clones. Thankfully, the client, Jango Fett, is currently off planet, and Boba's memories can be easily transferred to FC-02. Effectively, FC-02 will be indistinguishable from FC-01, and he will continue on as Boba Fett while FC-01 will be decommissioned in order to prevent confusion in the case that he ever woke up from the coma. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango had known about the accident, Boba had complained about a headache for about a week following. Knowing that the headache wasn’t from his bumped head, knowing that the injury had been much worse...  Jango shivered at the thought that when he'd returned to comfort his ad, the body he had held close hadn't ever been held by him before. He quietly wondered if he had ever held the child that stared at him as he read.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>FC-02 proved to be a sufficient replacement for several years, aside from a mild case of insomnia. After two years living with Fett, however, he suddenly started running off to the training facilities, incorrectly warning cadets that they could potentially be taken by Fett to “become him.” We fear that this rumor will be nearly impossible to clamp down on, as even after only a few days it has spread like wildfire. Now, after a few of these dangerous outbursts, we have FC-02 under control and will be replacing him with FC-03, this time restricting Boba’s ability to speak of the procedure and setting the reconditioning to a higher level, as we cannot let Boba remember his time as FC-03. He clearly started to recall old memories from FC-02, leading to this defection.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The “mild case of insomnia” mentioned in the file was clearly referring to the nightmares Boba had experienced frequently for a few years. They had started off small, and then gotten worse and worse until Boba had a sleepless night that lasted about three days. After that, he crashed, and within a few weeks the nightmares settled down until they became a much more reasonably rare occurrence. At the time, Jango had assumed the dreamless sleep Boba had after staying up a few days reset his troubled mind a bit, allowing him to move past it. Now, he realized that Boba had never gotten to go back to sleep. He had been replaced. He wondered what they'd done to stop the nightmares.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It has been only five months since FC-03 has been deployed and Boba has become a worryingly frequent visitor of a batch of CC class cadets. Boba has had contact with this batch since FC-01, but the increased number of visits could point to an increase of memories from FC-03; he could potentially be searching for a surrogate batch, as suddenly isolated cadets often do. Though it is possible that the increase in visits is unrelated to phantom memories, we cannot afford the possibility of Fett noticing this irregularity. FC-04 will be deployed within the week. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango felt dread pool in his stomach as he read about the fate of the third Boba. It was his fault, he had loosened Boba’s restrictions for wandering around the facilities. Boba was six then, Jango trusted he knew how to stay away from the many dangers that could be found, and it had been two years since the accident that called for restriction in the first place. Boba visited Unaone Squad because he knew them, he had always liked to trail along when Jango trained them. Boba sang praises about them often, mostly about how they weren't as mean as the Alphas, but that Kote had actually seemed to take a liking to the kid. It was sweet, if unsustainable and doomed to end in heartbreak, but it had gotten Boba killed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>For a long time, FC-04 seemed to be where things leveled out. We had adjusted the reconditioning levels again, and from our observations, none of the side effects found in 02 and 03 were present, and no new ones appeared. Some scientists assumed that FC-05 would never be needed. A good thing, as situations are truly dire when the last backup is needed. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They were wrong. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Today, after three years of nothing even remotely worrying being recorded about FC-04, he found and broke into the isolated FC environment and spoke to FC-05. He had planned on leaving Kamino with 05, and in our hasty investigations we have found a ship prepared for the trip planned by 04. We are now deploying FC-05. If he does not function properly, we will be forced to take a CT cadet of the same approximate age, remove both the ageing implant and control chip, and go forwards from there.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>There are whispers about the facade being doomed, that with every replacement the deviations get worse. Do not forget; our goal is to satisfy our client.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango set the datapad down slowly. His hands shook. The last line had been burned in his mind. They had done this because they believed it would satisfy him. They had killed Boba four times, four different Bobas? He would've accepted the reality of the coma if he had been given the chance to know about it, that was just parenthood. He was not a client, he was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>parent. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Boba wasn't a product, he was his son. All five of them were. If they had just told him from the start that there had been five…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But what difference were they from the millions of other clones, in the end? Even though they had hid Boba's batch from Jango, he was still aware of the rest. Once they started speaking, playing, being children. He still did nothing. Five was an arbitrary number, as was one. Taking in an entire batch would not have changed much. Because a single person cannot, logistically, parent a million children. He most likely wouldn’t be able to even meet all of them in a meaningful way. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango pushed the dilemma from his head, he had lost many weeks to that one over the years. At that moment he had to talk to his son. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Boba?” Jango called. He didn't miss the way the kid flinched at the sound of his name. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Boba glanced warily at the datapad. “What’re you reading? You're shaking.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango sighed. Boba had always been too perceptive, every single one of him. “That's what I want to talk about, actually. You've been… Have you been feeling alright recently? These last few days you've been really jumpy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Boba's eyes widened in fear, and Jango kept his expression schooled, even as a tear slipped out of his eye. He wouldn't let anything else happen to his son. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I'm sorry!” Boba responded hurriedly, wincing as he realized what he'd said. “Please, please! I'm the last one! Don’t do it, don’t tell them, I'll just die, please!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango sat there, baffled for a split second, before he realized what Boba meant. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Boba thought Jango was the one who called for the replacements. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango didn't know what to say. He was stunned, sick to his stomach. He felt tears roll down his face and yet he couldn't make a sound. He wanted to reach out to his son, tell him it was all okay, but he knew how little that would actually help. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn't… I didn’t know,” Jango finally whispered. “Boba, please believe me, I just found out, I…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Boba blinked, he looked about as choked up as Jango felt, but there was a lingering fear that tore Jango to shreds. “Wh. What?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fenn, you know Fenn, yeah? I told him… I told him you were acting strange, I said I couldn't tell if you were sick, that it was nothing like I'd seen before. You were so suddenly terrified of just about everything, especially me, and I had no idea how to help, no idea what to do so I told Fenn… And he got me this datapad.” He shakily handed it to boba. “Don't read past the title, but this was all very hidden from me, I don't even know how Fenn got it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Boba blinked twice as he read the first bit of the file, the bit about its classification, and then looked up at Jango. After a few short moments of staring, he started sobbing, throwing the datapad away and then throwing himself at Jango. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I knew I loved you,” Boba said between sobs. “I was so scared they added something to make me but I knew I knew I </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew. </span>
  </em>
  <span>We- I. I was going to leave without you, I couldn't leave without you but I had to and then I got caught and then--” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango held on to Boba like he was the last thing in the world. “You're safe. You're safe. I won't let it happen again, you're </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe.</span>
  </em>
  <span> If you weren't the last one I swear I would go down and let the rest go you- you can trust me. We can leave if you want, I don't care if they send someone after us. I don't care anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Boba shook his head. “We shouldn’t leave, not without the rest of them. I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to leave, I just…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Had to?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Boba nodded as another round of tears came to his eyes. “I had to convince…” He frowned. “Four… had to try to convince Five to… I- Five was scared because I was, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Four</span>
  </em>
  <span> was so different from before and I guess I still…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango frowned. “How much do you remember? Every time?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Boba shrugged a bit helplessly. “I remember all my time as Boba fine but there’s also… I’ve had four different childhoods and- and they all grew up with each other but I… It’s vague? I wanna remember more sometimes but also I </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>because it’s already so overwhelming. I don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango sighed quietly. “I'll be here to help you if you start remembering, or if you want to start trying to remember, alright? I'm not, I don't really know how exactly to help, I don't know if anyone does, but I'll try my best.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Boba nodded silently, wet eyes pressed into Jango's chest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are there any names?” Jango asked quietly, not too sure how to frame his question. Boba understood though. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There… Might. I can only remember numbers but I think numbers are easier to remember. I think there must be, at least for the older three. Names just happen, even if I- we were isolated.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We'll make sure to honor them if you remember them.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good, thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango gave Boba a little squeeze. “Of course, I'd do anything for you, I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I know that now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jango smiled. “Good.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They sat there quietly, Boba slowly falling asleep. He deserved it, he deserved the rest. Usually, Jango would take him to his bed if he fell asleep like that, but he didn't want to leave him, not if there was a threat that the Kaminoans might replace him again, or worse, get rid of him. Boba would have to not leave Jango's line of sight for a while, for at least as long as it took for Jango to dispel the threat, but, strangely, he was optimistic about the whole thing. He'd figured it out, finally, after years of the Kaminoans deceiving him, after years of Boba not being able to trust him. That meant he could do something about it, and do something he would. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not quite sure where things would go from here, but I imagine it'd be a lot different. Might end up getting ideas for more fics in this AU considering how open ended it all is, but no promises! Make sure to let me know how you all think about that in the comments though.</p>
<p>Mando'a translations:</p>
<p>demagolkase- people who commit atrocties, real-life monsters, war criminals - from the notorious Mandalorian scientist of the Old Republic, Demagol, known for his experiments on children, and a figure of hate and dread in the Mando psyche.</p>
<p>ad- child (as in son/daughter)</p>
<p>madokar (adj. mandokarla)- the right stuff, the epitome of Mando virtue.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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